Tech and Paying to Connect
This thought piece explores our need to connect, the infiltration of technology and businesses (or capitalism), and the odd irony that many of us are in fact, paying to be connected.
Being connected is a basic need. If you’ve seen the comedic version of the Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs, you’d have likely seen “Internet” or “WiFi” added on at the base of the pyramid. Glancing up the pyramid, you’d find needs like “love and belonging”, which speak directly to our human need to be connected.
Humans are wired to connect
This piece assumes the infallible need of human beings as a social species, to have social connections — which are arguably as important to physical and mental health just as exercise and healthy eating are. In fact, research has shown that the psychological and physical health benefits or social contact can even outweigh harmful effects that other risk factors might bring and possibly help us live longer (Berkeley Executive Education).
The 2021 World Happiness Report found that people who experienced an increase in connectedness with others during the pandemic had greater life satisfaction, more resilience and better mental health. — 2021 World Happiness Report
From what I recall in my university days studying social science, our thirst for connections go beyond satisfying the need for support and belonging. Well being aside, making connections are essential to propping us towards career success, and creates an environment that challenges our brains to make new associations, welcome new perspectives and learn from others. You need to know someone who knows someone. In order to open doors in life. Who you rub shoulders with can make a difference.
“Based on our backgrounds and identities, we’re all part of different social groups. These groups we find ourselves in can mean deep-rooted advantage or disadvantage, in terms of access to resources and opportunities — and gaps in how we’re perceived and evaluated.” — EY (article link)
What this thirst for being connected, including that of an extrinsic motivation like seeking social equity, has created, is a market for connections or a chance to connect. In a world buzzing with technological excitement and capitalistic sentiments, it’s no wonder that the ability to connect is something that has been commoditized.
We pay to connect
Enter the connections market. How has this been manifesting in our daily lives, in and out of work? The number of advertisements, partnership or ambassador activities, influencer marketing, advertorials, membership to an exclusive community, club or subscriptions to social platforms. From paying for country club memberships to paying a Substack subscription, or sit on a council that gathers like a mind hive and one gets to contribute opinion editorials to occasionally. That’s pay to connect model number one.
The other model comes in the form of paying to connect but work around the challenges that a hyperconnected world poses. In a super connected world, there’s the expectation of being accessible 24–7. Algorithms favor hyper responsiveness. Thus the sheer spread, speed and implication of reaction times. So we pay for the ability to control. For the option to mute, curate, edit, and be a part of echo chambers. After all, facing a social backlash has more significant repercussions that it used to when everyone was not always connected. This often result in what is known as “social pain”. In other words, we pay to be connected, and then, we pay to avoid the pain that comes from being connected.
Experiences of social rejection or loss have been described as some of the most ‘painful’ experiences that we, as humans, face and perhaps for good reason. Because of our prolonged period of immaturity, the social attachment system may have co-opted the pain system, borrowing the pain signal to prevent the detrimental consequences of social separation. — The neural bases of social pain: Evidence for shared representations with physical pain, Naomi I. Eisenberger, 2012.
Are we really connecting?
Having spent most of my February in social situations like conferences, press meet ups, all employee meetings, informal gatherings, expat coffee sessions, I got to asking: how much are we really connecting? How deep are our connections?
I’ve got to admit I’m atrocious at small talk, or what some might call business talk. Irony being that my day job is in media relations. Journalists that have come to know me better realize how I tend to get personal and be very vulnerable very quickly. Perhaps what I’m trying to get at is that in a hyper connected environment, where the allure of quantity and a comfortable level of mutual gallantries (or courtesies) are looked positively upon, I’ve an insatiable hunger for authentic interactions. Don’t even get me started with how AI is going to impact this.
In paying to connect with people to satisfy our human need for a social life and to feel connected, are we over curating our social circles and depriving ourselves from the essential social interactions of discourse, disagreements, setting boundaries and to learn from petty exchanges and not to take things personally? Are we setting ourselves up to only have shallow connections where small talk and niceties are plentiful, and find ourselves unable to go beyond or break down the (pay)walls?
I have yet to reach a conclusion or choose a side, but I believe it’s pretty clear as to what I’m leaning towards. Being able to get to “Connect as a Service” is cool and opens doors for others. I just do miss the good old days where strangers talk to each other without coming off creepy, where a small thing doesn’t spiral out of hand in the few minutes you were away from your phone. I miss getting really personal and forming those exclusive bonds that are special to just you and the other person, without everyone else watching or trying to pay to get an “in”. I adore communities on Discord and Facebook for connecting people who otherwise are unable to meet each other, and lift each other up or support one another through tough times.
I guess, being connected has just gotten all so complicated. It’s no wonder that services are being offered and that we’d be willing to pay to connect.
